I have always been fascinated with how people’s minds work – why are some people confident while others are nervous wrecks? Today I will teach you the secrets to boosting your confidence and explain how we are all motivated through Pain and Pleasure.
People with low self esteem and a lack of confidence view the world through a different set of eyes then confident people. When preparing to do any activity from asking a stranger on a date, applying for a new job, talking up in staff meetings or even wanting to get of your house to try something different, a confident person will look at the Pleasure of these activities and the Pain of not doing them.
The difference here is a person lacking self esteem will look at the Pain of these activities and the Pleasure of not doing them.
The Carrot or the Stick
To best understand motivational Pain and Pleasure is through an example. Imagine your sat in a team meeting at work and the boss is discussing a new way of working and through your own experience you know this idea has many potential pitfalls that the manger has not discussed or thought about, pitfalls that could cost the organisation money which long term could even lead to potential job cuts.
So, do you speak up or not? It all depends on how you view the situation – through Pain or Pleasure. Before we make most decisions we think about what we are going to do/say/act like, in our mind, often playing a movie of this potential future event.
Generally if you have no confidence and low self esteem, your movie will be full of pain – you will see yourself speaking out in the meeting, you might picture yourself stumbling your words, or hear your boss shouting your ideas down or even picture your colleagues laughing at you. This Pain movie will not inspire you to speak, so you think what if I do nothing; in this movie you say nothing and nothing bad (painful) can happen to you – this is a form of pleasure.
The Funny Thing About Confidence – New Confidence Building Course Staring in 2012
Confident people will think differently, they will visualise themselves talking out in the meeting, and the will see everyone in their movie being really interested in what they say, the boss being amazed by this deep understanding of the potential pitfalls and may even see the whole of the meeting delegates standing, clapping and cheering – pleasure. The may think about not speaking out and view themselves feeling frustrated and angry about not feeling confident enough about speaking out to stop this potential mess and money/job loss – a form of Pain
The funny thing is, in reality we don’t know what will happen if we speak out in a meeting, if we ask a stranger out on a date or if we try a new activity, what we visualise is what you think will happen, not will actually happen. Which means if you change your internal representation you will change the way you feel.
We are all motivated by pain and pleasure; one donkey may be motivated to work as he will receive a carrot as an award, while another donkey may work because he doesn’t want to be beaten with a stick.
To learn more confidence building techniques and to feel more confident you need to change how you view the world, to make a lasting change download the 12 Week Online Coaching Course for Confidence and Motivation today.
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